Clippers Fined For Offering DeAndre Jordan Third Party Investment Opportunities

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(Source) There are times it’s clear that Steve Ballmer, though unquestionably passionate, still is on the NBA owner learning curve. There have been a few stumbles, to put it kindly.

The latest: Apparently offering DeAndre Jordan a $200,000 a year Lexus endorsement if he re-signed with the Clippers. A day after that, Jordan said he would sign with Dallas. Four days later he started to change his mind and shifted back to the Clippers, and while that likely had nothing to do with the Lexus deal, it still earned Ballmer and the Clippers a $250,000 fine.

Well, would you look at that. I guess it doesn’t land you all star centers when you’re a beacon of ethics like Mark Cuban. Nope, you’ve gotta get down and play in the mud if you want to keep up. What’d you offer him Ballmer? Stock? Were you going to let him be a VP at Microsoft? You offered him Microsoft, didn’t you?

Wait, it was 200k a year for a Lexus endorsement? DeAndre, you got screwed. You should have told Cuban and he would have probably given you CyberDust. Just signed the rights over at that very moment.

Ballmer, you double dealing asshole. Sure it’s cute when you dance around and get all excited for basketball but don’t think I don’t see right through you. You pretend to be this lovable goof when really your just a diabolical mastermind working to do destroy the integrity of sports as we know it. I’ll be watching you Ballmer, You may have everyone else fooled, but I’m not buying it. You’re going to have to get up a lot earlier if you want to sneak one past me

Also, this isn’t the NCAA, you can’t just go around making under the table deals with superstars. You make them over the table because you don’t have to hide it anymore. I thought that was the point? Rookie mistake Ballmer.

Only a madman, hell bent on destroying society as we know it, claps like this:

Here’s What Orlando Scandrick Going Down Means

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Round up the wagons and shoot the dogs because we lost Scandrick.

Well honestly, it’s not that bad but still pretty fucking bad at the same time. Next man up is Claiborne with Patmon jumping into the slot and Byron Jones backing everyone up. Thing is, you can’t trust Claiborne. We’ve never been able to. Some games he’s flat out brilliant and plays some of the best corner in the League that day. Other days hes completely lost like he’s never played the game and somebody just put him in pads and shoved him out there. Byron Jones is going to have to grow up quick because he’s suddenly looking at a lot more playing time, especially if any one else goes down. People need to stop with this junk about going out and picking up a free agent. There isn’t one out there right now who’s better than the guys we have. Depth isn’t an issue at this point.

Now, our first four games are going to be rough. We are missing a starter at every level of our defense. That is not a good thing when you’ve got the complicated Eagles offense and pass happy Giants. It’s going to be a long four games till Hardy and McClain get back. Guys are going to have to step up, plain and simple.

Orlando Scandrick Tore His ACL/MCL

Well, fuck me sideways. Byron Jones better get good in a hurry. Break down coming tomorrow but honestly, this couldn’t have happened at a worse position for us. Sucks for Scandrick. Sucks for the Cowboys. Sucks for everyone except for Philadelphia and the Giants.

Cheap Shots Were The Name Of The Game At Cowboys-Rams Joint Practice

I’m all for these scuffles. The guys should be going nuts. That’s how you know they care. So good effort, if not a little cheap on a few unnamed RAMS players parts. Overall though, 5/10. Just a bunch of cheap shots. Going to have to get up a lot earlier to impress me with a preseason scuffle.

Also, come on Jeff. Act like you’ve seen a fight before. You’re really setting the bar high for toughness this year.

I Wouldn’t Buy This House But I Applaud The Honesty

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(Source) A front-yard sign calling a neighbor a “douchebag” may not be the best way to change the neighbor’s behavior.
But for one frustrated Farmers Branch family, it’s at least getting a lot of attention.


James and Lisa Price — who have a sign in their yard that says “‘House for sale by owner because my neighbor’s a douchebag” — have appeared on Dallas TV and now say they’re getting calls from New York news outlets.
The sign went up Aug. 7, after months of tension between the Prices and their nextdoor neighbors culminated in the Prices getting a $121 ticket from the city over their dogs, James Price said Friday.


Shortly after a retired couple moved into the rental house next door about two years ago, Price said the wife came over “a few times” to ask that the Prices keep their four dogs inside the house until 9 a.m. because the retirees liked to sleep late.
“We’re trying to keep them in until 8,” Price said. “I think the city ordinance says 7.”


One Sunday morning a few weeks ago, the dogs “were going nuts” about something outside, and not long after that the Prices got the ticket from animal control officials. They’ve not paid it yet and have a court date for Thursday, Price said.

They also object to security cameras they say are trained on their yard and house, he said.
Since the Prices’ yard sign went up, local police and a city council member have come by to ask them to take it down. But the sign is not illegal, and James Price said he and his wife are waiting on the neighbors to make a move.


“He just needs to back off a little bit about the dogs,” Price said of the man next door. “He’s being ridiculous. Now I’d like him to pay my $121 fine. All he had to do was come over (to talk to us), but he chose not to do that.”

Sucks when your neighbors suck. There is nothing worse than petty bullshit city ordinance tickets. Especially when your neighbor calls the cops on you. But hats off to the Prices. This should be a rule in real estate. You should have to give a sworn statement on whether the neighbors are cool or not. Shitty neighbors are the worst.

Dutch Newspaper Goes Hard In The Paint: Drops A Hard N-Word In A Headline

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(Source)  On July 31, the Dutch newspaper NRC Handelsblad published a review of several books on race and racism in the United States. The series, written by the paper’s Washington correspondent Guus Valk, leads with a review of Atlantic writer Ta-Nehisi Coates’s latest book, “Between the World And Me.” Somewhere along the editorial process, the editors thought it would be a good idea to headline the article, “Nigger, Are You Crazy?”

If the headline weren’t appalling enough, the article compounded the offensiveness factor with its accompanying blackface figures:

Bold strategy, Cotton. Either the Dutch don’t know about American Twitter or they don’t care but people are not happy. This WaPo writer certainly isn’t. I won’t attempt to talk about whether or not Americans should apply our version of racism on other countries because that’s a silly debate and I don’t know shit about the Dutch. I will say though, this Dutch editor gave the biggest “Fuck you but here’s my half assed apology” I’ve ever seen. The sheer contempt is a sight to behold.

“The drawings are a literal illustrations of ‘stereotype’ and ‘white’ aggression, the above mentioned books are dealing with. They are ugly, unkind, and offensive – and they are meant to be, because they cover the content of the reviewed books. Of course, they were not intended to offend. Actually, it is rather stupid to think so.”

I don’t speak Dutch but I’ll try to interpret, “Dooooooon’t caaaare.” He continues:

“Yes, it was a conscious decision to depict the situation with the use of stereotypical blackface portraits. Like I said: the illustrations are offensive, because the racial situation in the US, as described in the reviewed books, is offensive. Note that ‘whiteness’ in these illustrations is depicted as someone with a gun. I wouldn’t call it irony: it’s cynicism. And it was meant to be cynical.”

Rough translation: “It’s offensive because American racism is offensive. It’s not our fault you suck.”

This guy has zero time for your outrage and would politely like you to take your American opinion and shove it up your ass. Which is sort of dickish given the Dutch involvement in the slave trade but I’ll be damned if I don’t give him credit for his spirit. That being said, “There are two things I can’t stand in this world, people who are intolerant of other people’s cultures, and the Dutch.”

Some Take Aways From The Cowboys First Preseason Game

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Yes , I know it’s early. This isn’t going to be a list of hot takes. The Boys aren’t doomed yet nor do they desperately need to go out and get a player. Just some general observations.

Running game: I liked what I saw from Gus Johnson. He ran hard and saw the holes well. When the holes were there. Our o-line looked out of sync on running plays. When they were clicking, they dominated. Granted, the ones were only in there for a couple series. Either way, if Gus Johnson continues to put in effort like that, he should at least be on the practice team.

Randy Gregory: This guy can absolutely FLY off the ball. H’es half way up the field a soon as the ball is snapped. Unfortunately, all he has is the speed rush and everybody knows it. He’s raw and he’s not strong enough. His inside moves were clumsy and ended with him getting locked up immediately. The Chargers left tackle had no respect for anything except the speed rush. Gregory needs to get stronger and better technically. If he does that, he’s going to be an absolute monster.

Byron Jones: He got a lot of snaps and made the most of them. He led the team in tackles and is not afraid to hit from the corner posistion, which is something we’ve been missing. He’ll see playing time this year and could eventually start. I still think he’s more of a safety but I wouldn’t hesitate playing him at corner, preferably on a number two receiver.

And that’s it. Not too much we can figure out until game 3 or 4 and even then it’s minimal. Football’s back and nobody cares about deflated footballs anymore. It’s a glorious day.

If Mike Napoli Comes Back But No One Cares, Did It Actually Happen?

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OH man! This is great! It’s like we’re getting the old 2011 gang back together. Except all their talents have diminished significantly! Huzzah! Another brilliant move by the management. Anybody have tabs on Ian Kinsler?

The only thing we need Mike Napoli for is instructing our younger players how to drink Fireball straight from the bottle. Other than getting him cheap, for cash or a player to be named this doesn’t matter at all. This building for an outside shot at the wildcard is ridiculous. I don’t care if we’re only 3 games back. There’s 6 or 7 teams with an “outside shot.” All Mike Napoli will be doing is hitting against left-handers which he’s barely capable of. I don’t dont care that his average has nearly doubled since the All-Star break. I heard he doesn’t even actually drink Fireball and his legendary bender was an elaborate ruse.

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(If you’re confused….)

Blue Bell Is Back, Baby!

(Source) To those of you anxiously awaiting the return of your beloved Blue Bell, it appears your long national nightmare is over.

Per the video just posted straight outta Brenham (by way of the Alabama production facility), the trucks are back on the road. We’re not sure how many there are, and we’re not sure where they’re going. But they’re out there. On the highway. Filled with listeria-free ice cream.

It’s been one of the worst summers in recent memories. The most deafening blow was when Blue Bell had to close because their ice cream was giving people listeria. But that’s all in the past now and not a moment too soon. Blue Bell is by far the best ice cream you can buy in a store. I’m not just saying that, this is an objective fact. A summer without Blue Bell is like a fall without football. It’s unconstitutional. But thankfully, the good folks at Blue Bell were quick and proactive in their response to this national calamity is over.

I knew Blue Bell would be back. There had been rumors that this could have been the end of the company all together. I won’t lie when I say that I was nervous. But, here we are, only barely into August and Blue Bell has come out swinging. I’ll take this as a sign of good things to come. ‘Tis truly a glorious day

The Dallas Mayor Saved A Woman From Choking This Weekend

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(Source) Dallas Mayor Mike Rawlings probably never imagined he would be saving a woman’s life while out for lunch this weekend — but that’s exactly what he did.

Rawlings used the Heimlich maneuver on a woman who was choking at the El Fenix restaurant in downtown Dallas Saturday afternoon, ABC affiliate WFAA-TV reports.

According to Rawlings, he was eating lunch when he heard screaming from the table behind him. Helen Mayer was choking on fajita meat in the company of her family members.

“Ms. Mayer was back, totally red, wasn’t breathing,” recalled Rawlings. “[My son] Gunnar thought she was having a heart attack.”

“When I turned around, I started gasping for air,” Mayer said. “I remember standing up and that’s about all I remember.”

Rawlings then sprang into action and performed the life-saving action, which he said he knew from his days as a lifeguard and Boy Scout.

Mayer initially didn’t know it was the Dallas mayor who came to her rescue.

“I came around and it was the mayor of Dallas,” she said. “It was like he was my hero.”

Gunnar Rawlings said everyone clapped upon his father’s heroism.

“It was kind of out of a movie script,” he said.

What are your politicians doing for you? Because our mayor is saving his constituents lives, one at a time. He’s a real life Batman. How does anybody run against him now? He’s pretty much a full fledged hero. There’s no comeback against that. “Oh, you think my stance on education reform is shitty? Well, I saved a woman from choking to death because I love the people of this city.” Dude is going to be mayor until he decides to stop being mayor and not a second sooner.

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